Attunement
We all live in 2 worlds. Our inner world and the outer world. Attunement is the ability to emotionally connect with what the other person is feeling by entering their inner world.
- Attunement is how we create safety for our students.
- Some experts believe attunement involves activating the brain’s mirror neurons. which are thought to be networks in the brain that respond to other people’s emotions and actions as if they were our own.
- Essentially, it’s about becoming harmonious with other people’s electrical energies.
- Essentially we are tuning into their wavelength. We can then respond in the right way.
- I suppose you can compare it to a resonating tuning fork. Once you are in tune you resonate with that person’s inner world. You are able to understand them better .
- Intensive interaction is a form of attunement where you mirror a student’s body language.
Awareness
- It is important to not just assume you just know what the student is feeling.
- You need to be able to directly communicate about it together so that they can let you know what they’re feeling. This takes time. Especially if they are non-verbal.
I was chatting to a parent in America recently. Her daughter has PDA. Her daughter had been looking forward to a family day trip but when the day arrived she felt unable to leave even her bedroom. There are lots of ways her parent could have dealt with it. She used attunement. It took quite a while and several stages before the family got to the designated attraction. However, because of the parent using attunement there were no behaviour ‘meltdowns’ and the child managed to eventually reason that she had forgotten ,that morning , to have a drink of water. After having a drink of water the whole family spent a wonderful few hours on their day out.
- It is important for those communications to have no distractions. We live such busy lives. We don’t often get undivided attention, and attunement means ‘I’m here right now with you.’
Observations of your students .
Empathy
Often we have a class full of students and don’t feel able to give the time needed to an individual. But behaviour is a form of communication where the person is trying to tell you they have needs that aren’t being met. With open communication and mindful presence, anyone can become attuned to the people in their lives.
Non judgemental understanding
It says I understand. Empathy relieves the shame of self blame . Give it time. Offer it too soon and it’s about you. Not them.
Attunement is a very intentional and mindful thing, so practicing mindfulness is a good way to encourage that state of deep presence that you require to be in attunement with the student or your own child.
It is about nonjudgment and being present with whatever it is that person is feeling
Responsiveness
- What does their body language look like? If they can talk, what is their tone, are they speaking quickly? If they are unable to talk to communicate their needs – the parent/ teacher or teacher’s assistant will work to understand what they need – from their physical and non-verbal cues.
- As an adult , we show attunement in the way we respond. Our facial expressions, tone of voice, the way we hold and touch, all of this is how we show attunement.
- How do you respond ? BHugs or hand on shoulder ? That can be is exactly what some people want. Others need space. If you have become attuned and understood your child / adult you will know which is appropriate.
- Pause to consider why the student is acting a certain way. What is going on in their inner world? Take time to see things from their side and allow yourself to feel impacted by that.
- This can be as basic as acknowledging what they have to say. Instead of preparing your response, just be present. Really look at them when they try to communicate , and make sure you are not distracted. This will give validation. Ask open ended questions .
- When you’re attuned , you will communicate more effectively and effortlessly. On the other hand, when you’re not attuned even the best communication advice will fall flat.
Once developed, attunement is capable of completely transforming your relationship with your children/ students .
Attunement allows you to see the world through their eyes and walk in their footsteps . When you do this, you are able to understand where they are coming from. Instead of wanting to control the situation attunement allows you to empathize .
Being attuned to your students means you’re able to understand them with little to no words. You can pick up on their emotions, and sense what kind of mood they are in from their body language or what they are doing. If you can read your students well, you’ll know how to approach them best at that moment..
Attunement doesn’t mean you agree with everything your students think. You can still disagree but attunement allows you to see where they are coming from .You should be on their team, supporting them throughout whatever they are finding difficult.
You are taking action in order to engage with a person’s emotional state. You are helping your student work through their emotions.
You
We can’t support another person if our own inner world is in turmoil. When we try to respond to others we may be reacting to own inner world .If you are feeling low, STOP to ask yourself what it is that’s making you feel this way. Ask yourself what you need.
Don’t be afraid to feel your emotions, good and bad. Remember, you cannot choose what you feel, only how you REACT .
If you are not in the right frame of mind to give attunement then let someone else take over.
If we are unaware of our own inner world it can distort attempts to attune with others. Get to attune with yourself before using it with others. Understand what you need . If you have just had a bad time in the office, with the washing machine or in the staffroom you are NOT in the right frame of mind to deal in attunement with someone who may be heading fr a meltdown. Let someone else take over. PLEASE.
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